Welcome to Daily Surrender
You're here for a reason, reading this blog and learning about the art of surrender. Maybe you're the curious type, that's always engaging and devouring content, but never really implementing what they learn. Or maybe you are fed up with reading the same thing, just packaged in different formats (it's like the Taco Bell of sales content out there these days...).
Or, maybe you feel like there is something here that seems right and good, and you're hopeful that it could be "the thing" that helps you get that next promotion, win that next big deal, get into commission accelerators, or just find joy and meaning in your job.
It all begins and ends with you. Internal surrender will influence your ability to achieve results more than all external changes combined possibly could.
If you're looking for the next "thing" that can help you be interesting, persuasive, a thought leader, or emotionally compelling, the Daily Surrender process probably won't be for you. So many trainings and methodologies that exist today focus on prying on the underlying fears, uncertainties, loss, and pain that potential buyers experience. These have their merits and success, since we as humans do buy emotionally and then justify logically.
One thing to consider however, is our role in this emotional decision making process beyond supplying facts/figures, proof points, emotionally driven client stories, product demonstrations, pilots, well written internal memos, ROI projections, and general "good" sales skills (objection handling, etc.). This role that i'm referring to is our ability to surrender and let go of our innate desire to control, manipulate, and gain a certain outcome.
Where Sales Training Programs Get it Right
Josh Braun, a popular sales trainer, focuses some of his training on the principles taught by Chris Voss (former FBI interrogator), who is known in the business world for his two best-selling books:
Utilizing the tools by Chris Voss, you can diffuse emotionally heated conversations, arrive at an outcome that is a win-win for both parties, and develop an ally relationship with an opposing party. There is a component of this approach, which Josh's sales framework focuses on, that is largely focused on "detaching from the outcome."
Josh observes that when someone pushes a message, product, or service onto us, we naturally go into what is called the Zone of Resistance. In this state, there is tension and a natural phenomena occurs where the person we are trying to influence or sell to becomes rigid and unyielding. It's as if the harder we try and the more sales tactics we pull out, the more they withdraw their attention and interest. We become polar opposites, in spite of our wanting and desire. The only way to surpass this zone of resistance is to surrender our will and desires for things to pan out a certain way.
Sales training programs that focus on the principles noted above are able to elicit better responses from the person on the other side of the table.
Examples of Surrender
I guarantee you've seen this on the playground growing up (and in adult relationships as well): A girl is obsessed with a boy and follows him all over, talking his ear off, obviously enamored with him. The boy acts oblivious and even annoyed at the fact that this girl is trying so hard to get his attention. The girl eventually gives up and stops trying so hard. The boy begins to notice her more and is even drawn after her at this point. The girl then responds to him the exact same way he previously responded to her! We call it "playing hard to get."
I've personally seen these principles apply not only with relationships, but with money, parenting, jobs, health, and politics.
Example #1
A few years back, my wife was struggling with a chronic illness. We had searched and searched for answers - visiting every doctor we could imagine, spending our life savings and fundraising money on potential cures. We practiced religious faith and prayer, we got referrals to the best of the best, we tried every kind of alternative medicine and supplement regime under the sun.
Eventually we were so exhausted with our plight for answers that we eventually accepted that if it works out, it will work out, and it won't be for lack of trying. As we took all of our focus off of the problem and just accepted that we would be "okay" whether she was healed or not, something interesting began to unfold:
First, we were reached out to by some people with a similar chronic illness (Lyme Disease), who had success with some foreign medical treatments. We had never considered this before. It was expensive, and there was no way we were in a place to make that leap, but we thought that could be an option down the road to try.
As the months passed, a business transaction basically landed in my lap, and it was a smooth sales cycle that happened to be one of the largest in our corporate group. The commissions from this helped us get out of debt and provided a runway to experiment with some out of country treatments that we had become aware of months previously.
Then, COVID happened. Kids were out of school, and it would be impossible for us to be out of the country for 3 months, while I worked full time, and children needed our time, attention, and care. As we thought about the potential schedules and people to involve, a pathway appeared to ensure that I could work full time, the kids could continue school and child care, and my wife could go to Puerto Vallarta to begin treatments.
She really had to twist my arm...(see picture above)...but I eventually joined her in Puerto Vallarta because family was able to watch our kids and the time zone / remote work environment was perfect. During my time there, I started working on one of the largest deals of my career (Multi-million, multi-year contract). I knew it was big, and lots of eyes were on it, but at the same time, I was more focused on my wife's health and treatments, which necessitated that I detach from the outcome of the opportunity. "If it happens, it happens" is what I told myself, while still making sure I was proactive and dedicated the right amount of time and sales strategies I had learned up to the point. Ultimately, I was okay if we won the deal or not: I didn't "need" the money or the internal reputation boost - nothing in my ego was clamoring for this.
One thing led to the next, and it soon became the fastest and largest net new logo, with no prior usage of the platform, in company history. From cold call to close, within three months, during summer, and in Q3, when people are usually on vacation and not really buying, this deal was signed and ready for implementation.
At the same time, my wife's treatments were rapidly improving her well being. She had more energy, stamina, and was starting to feel good again. Within months of being home, she felt like a new person, with many of the symptoms disappearing completely.
Example #2
During a season of my life, I was homeless, living out of my car and working full time during the day. Upon waking up, I would go into the office (which was around the corner from where I would park and sleep at night) and use their showers / gym area to get ready for the day. One large suitcase was all I had and I hid it in a storage closet at my work, and I would have to sneak in there to get rid of my old clothes and pick out fresh ones before the day started and people showed up.
I was feeling resentful and angry because I had been kicked out of the house and my significant other was controlling our bank account. I was frustrated because this was money that I was earning and I could be living more comfortably if she let me. I had to ask for funds to be transferred to a temporary card for any grocery or laundry needs and then wait until they actually hit my balance. If she saw it on time and was in a good mood, she would send the funds to me. If not, then i'd have to "patiently" wait until she sent it. I realize looking back that this was financial abuse, and it drove me nuts.
One Saturday in particular, I was hanging around the office, and really wanted to get my laundry and grocery shopping done so I could have the rest of the day free to go and attend a local event. I sent the message for money first thing in the morning. No response. I messaged again, without any luck. At this point in my journey with surrender and letting go, I had been practicing, but often forgot to apply what I knew. So I just sat and stewed in my anger and frustration, holding my significant other hostage with my negative emotions and thoughts.
I remember distinctly, sitting at a table on the second floor of the office building, telling myself out-loud, "Nick, if she sends the money now that would be great, but if not, it's not the end of the world. Life will go on, and it's not worth my time and energy to stay worked up and angry about this. Just let it go." Repeating that a few times, I could feel that cooling sensation come over me, as all that resentment and anger flowed out my body. I genuinely felt like I could forget about the money transfer drama and still go about my day with peace.
Not even 10 minutes had passed when I got the text notification: "Bank transfer initiated: $150 deposited." I was stunned - not because it happened, but because of how consistently the results would appear every time I surrendered and let go. By this point, it wasn't some voodoo magic or mysterious thing that would happen, because I knew what was happening and how this worked. I knew the science behind it and could replicate it.
The Science Behind Surrendering
By this point, 95% of you reading will be skeptical, and the remaining 5% will have already recognized where this has happened to you before. My goal with this next section is to help break down scientifically why surrendering works and how it applies to all facets of life, especially sales and influence within a business context.
Everything around us is made up of energy - the sub atomic particles that create atoms consist of energy and 99.9999% empty space. When atoms from, they have specific properties, and upon collision with other atoms, they create molecules. The molecules created depend on the type of atoms that are coming together. These molecules then combine together to make up the different components of our bodies, air we breath, water we drink, and even the couch, chair, or bean bag that you are sitting on right now.
What appears to be solid (a wooden table, metal car body, our skin, our clothes, etc.) is actually just a bunch of these molecules shoved together in a sort of loose fabric, that when zoomed out and to the naked eye, have a texture along with visible traits and qualities. What's interesting about these building blocks of the universe is that they can communicate with each other. A few years ago, there was an observable experiment conducted that showed one atom sending and receiving energy from another atom in a different location. Sort of like "Knock, knock" "Who's there?" at an atomic level. Our bodies and brains, being composed of atoms, sort of become giant antennas that are constantly accepting and receiving signals.
The next interesting component here, is that in the last 50-60 years it has been discovered and researched that our thoughts, emotions, words, intentions, and beliefs are created of these same energetic building blocks. They have specific energetic frequencies that influence the world around us. In one experiment, certain words, people, and music were associate with various water dishes, that were subsequently frozen. After a period of time, the water samples were observed at a microscopic level to see the patterns and formation of the molecules. As these formations in the water were examined, they had different structures based on the energy that the words, music, and people carried with it. See below:
Most of us have been told throughout our lives to be kind in the ways we talk to and think about ourselves and others. This should help you see why: Knowing that our bodies are made up primarily of water molecules...you get the idea. This is one way of helping people tangibly see that what we choose to focus on and believe does in fact impact the very make up and function of our bodies.
To take it a step further, it's one thing to know if something has positive or negative energy, but what if you knew exactly how much energy was associated with certain feelings and associated thoughts? Through a series of tests and studies, there are energetic set points tied to each emotion. People ebb and flow between different energy set points throughout the days and weeks, and often times when they find themselves "stuck" in a uncomfortable emotion, they either suppress, repress, express, or escape it in an attempt to change the energetic set point they experience.
Have you ever been in the same room with somebody who is apathetic and ashamed? What about someone who is enthusiastic and happy? You can just sense the heaviness or the lightness of their presence. Have you ever had fear and anxiety leading up to that big presentation, accompanied by what feels like hundreds of made up scenarios and thoughts? When our body senses emotions, it tries to rationalize and make sense of them with the brain through our thoughts. Over time, as our body is exposed to and absorbs different emotional energies, we can start to recognize them in ourselves and others. Being stressed, overworked, and fearful might settle in your neck and shoulder muscles, leading to a crushing migraine. If these build over time, they can alter the physical structure of our bodies through strokes, heart attacks, stomach ulcers, and more.
Surrendering is the ability to see the thoughts, emotions, and intents within ourselves, let them go, and accept a range of potential outcomes in any given scenario.
The Zone of Resistance that Josh had referred to is merely holding on so desperately to the wrong emotions and thoughts and expecting that we will get a specific result. People intuitively sense that there's an emotional force pushing against them, and our egos do everything possible to defend and protect ourselves. Seeing this push sensation as a threat, they retreat (similar to the boy / girl playground analogy) in an effort to not be "sold." Some example thoughts and feelings that commonly lead to this Zone of Resistance are:
"It's the end of the year and I really need these last two business transactions to go through so I can hit my quota - i'm going to call up my customers every day and haggle them until they sign this document."
"Our sales pipeline is so low right now - we need to progress every single deal we have and can't let anything slip. Do whatever it takes!"
"By the end of the call, i'm going to have a next meeting set on their calendar and we're going to get a demo set up with their team. I'm going to make it impossible for them to say no."
"I'm going to sell this person on why they should work for me and my company. They won't be able to resist with all the great things we are doing and money to be made."
"My team isn't following what I told them to do. I'm going to sit down with them and make sure they understand all the reasons that they should and re-commit them to doing what I asked."
When we focus on letting go of the emotions and intents that are actually repelling our customers, relationships, money, etc. and genuinely accept that we may or may not get a specific outcome, things begin to shift.
People start surprising us.
We start surprising others.
That deal we weren't expecting suddenly shows up and we close it.
That person we were angry with gives us a call "out of the blue."
We find that perfect home / apartment we've been looking for.
Our close rates improve.
Our deal sizes increase.
And much more...
Enter the "Daily Surrender"
The ability to recognize the ways we repel and sabotage ourselves and others is a learned skill. It is a skill that needs to be practiced. There are no requirements beyond a willingness to try. Surrender can happen many times a day - as many times as you have a negative emotion or negative thought. It can sound daunting, and it can seem overly simply.
How can this possibly work? There's no way that just letting go & surrendering my feelings is going to help me and my team make more money and close more business...
As noted, our egos and pride try to keep us safe. Anything that threatens our existence or our ability to control the dynamics of a situation, feels threatening naturally. We are skeptical of things that seem too simple. Our natural programming from society and upbringing say "you've got to struggle and work hard and suffer in order to get the results and outcomes you want."
This ego is fueled each and every day when we:
judge and criticize others
movies of lower consciousness
low vibe music (see water crystal test above)
fear,
watch and read fear-mongering news channels
engage in the political arena
observe and secretly feel good about other’s losses,
play violent video games
“have to be right” in order to make others wrong
Many others...
Telling the ego to let go of the very emotions, beliefs, and thoughts that make up its existence is no small feat. Spiritual leaders for centuries have dedicated their lives to achieving this status, and strive to bring their followers to the same level of enlightenment.
But what if surrendering is just another version of working hard? A version that could bring you even better results and limit the suffering and energy drain of what you are doing today? A quick set of 'yes' or 'no' questions will help you determine if Daily Surrender is something for you to consider in your business and personal life:
Do you spend a lot of time thinking about the past, perhaps with regrets or feelings of guilt?
Do you feel a lot of fear about the future, especially your financial future?
Are you quick to anger when people behave in ways that do not please you?
Is your home or office filled with lots of stuff you have collected over the years and rarely use?
Do people often disappoint you?
Is your self-talk highly critical?
Are you easily stressed out or burned out?
If your answer to any of these questions is yes, then there’s a good chance that surrendering and letting go will be a great benefit to you - and others around you (customers, teams, and partners).
What's Next?
To get started, follow and subscribe - I will be publishing new content everyday and getting into more and more detail about how to actually apply the process of surrendering. I know i'm leaving you on a bit of a cliffhanger, and that's intentional. I want you to consider what i've written above and the possibility of what it could look like for you. As you come back, you will find real world applications across a variety of business settings free for your use.
Until next time!
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